Traditions standing in my way

By Tshego Moloabi from Meletlo Celebrations

I had seen this way too many times, not knowing how this story would end. I have to go through the process of Magadi in order for my right of passage, for lack of a better phrase, to be smooth. For some reason we, the African people still like big celebrations which only complicate things; or so I thought in the beginning.

Let me map this process out for you because it is a little more complex than a 'girl meets boy' scenario and 'living happily ever after'. When Sibusiso finally proposed and we have agreed upon the type of wedding we wanted, I decided to call my aunt (my Mom's sister) and tell her that I was finally going to be Mrs R! In our tradition the women ba tshwara tipa ka mo bogaleng, which, loosely translated means 'hold the bulls by the horns'.

By going through my Aunt and Mom, rather than my male family members I hoped to somewhat influence the asking price and to get my Mom to soften the delegation who she will be receiving from the groom. Secondly, my Mom is also able to give my father the mandate for the uncles; secretly I was hoping that one particular uncle, who can be a little somewhat of a loose canon is sick that day and can't make it for the meeting!

After agreeing to start the negotiations at 10 cows, each R5000 - knowing very well that we would be happy to settle on R3500 per cow, my Uncle, the troublesome one, sent the groom's delegation back because, according to him “they were speaking Zulu and he could not understand them.”  This is the same man who went to Westville University deep in the heart of the Zulu people!

In order for them to come back they had to pay a fine of R2000 for insulting the family, R2000 for their arrogance and, a further R5000 for the delegation to start speaking again (vula mlomo). There goes my honeymoon spending money!! As the formalities got underway, the asking price put on the table went up and was now 10 cows but at R6000 a cow.

All this time I'm sitting in the bedroom with my Mom and aunts wondering why we are not serving the food already. The doors keep opening and closing and finally, three and half hours later my sisters and I are called into the living room where the negotiations were taking place so that the groom's delegation could identify the bride. This is the fun part; at least at this stage you know the worst is over.

I was wrong! My Mom, my ally or so I thought, after the negotiations, promptly gives me her guest list. 400people, excluding mine and Sibusiso's list!! “Mother dearest, Shepstone Gardens only takes 80 people so I suggest you cut that number to 10 and then we are back in business”, was my remark.  It was a battle I was not winning so I let her have a traditional wedding and the venue wedding would be mine to do as I pleased. I could hear the snide remarks from my cousins who were not invited to the venue wedding, "Oh! That one always thought she was better" Ba tla mothola ha ya go kotisa. (Her inlaws will sort her out). Little did they know that me and my Cartier ring would be on a flight out to Vietnam right after the wedding...oh yes and Sibusiso! It was a long and tedious 8 months before the wedding actually took place.

After loads of meetings about why there had to be a wedding planner, RSVP’s or table settings I was told that I was disrespecting our traditions, when in fact the only traditions that mattered were those that I had already observed when we slaughtered the cow and introduced the families, including those members who had already passed! I would have loved for my grandfather to have been there.

Today I look back with pure joy in my heart and loads of giggles because when all was said and done it was a gorgeous wedding weekend!

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