In Your Own Words

While some couples appreciate the detail of custom, tradition no longer holds an overarching, single-solution presence in the bridal context. Possibly the best symbolic representation of this shift lies in the evolution of the wedding vows.

The wedding vows still form the centerpiece of the wedding, but their composition has become as variable as the bridal couples themselves. Some couples choose to write their own vows, while others prefer to select readings or verses that carry a particular resonance for them.

For those who opt to fly solo, here are the answers to a few FAQ’s:

When should one begin to write one’s wedding vows?

Because the vows are the most significant (indeed, the only indispensable) part of the wedding ceremony, it is advisable to start composing them at least two months prior to the wedding. This will allow enough time for the process to develop in one’s mind, and for the couple to compare notes and make the revisions necessary to a mutually agreeable final version. Some couples initiate the process by means of a “vow-writing date” during which they sit down together and share their respective priorities.

Many couples prefer to keep their individually written vows secret from each other until they meet at the altar. There is something very special about the surprise element – for the betrothed and the wedding guests alike. This is entirely a matter of personal choice; there exists no ‘right’ or ‘proper’ way of going about it.

 

How long do wedding vows need to be?

 

 

The short answer: long enough to be able to say what’s on your heart. While there is no rule or time restriction, there’s much to be said for the impact of conciseness. Your wedding guests – never mind you and your betrothed - are far more likely to remember the message contained in a brief, heartfelt exchange. It is a good idea to focus attention on your top two or three points.

What constitutes an appropriate tone?

The tone of the vows is equally flexible, but an undertone of seriousness is appropriate. This may be lightened by words of charm or even humour. Clarity of meaning is vital – avoid using cryptic language or wordy sentences. What you really want to convey is “this is what you mean to me, this is why I appreciate you, and this is why I am marrying you today” – or something along those lines.

What is the best way to deliver original wedding vows?

Given the blend of nerves, emotion and weariness you are likely to be experiencing on your wedding day, it is foolish to rely purely on memory for the delivery of your written words. Instead, these should be committed to paper and presented to the bridal couple by the best man, maid of honour or other member of the bridal party at the appropriate time. Still, the idea is that the bride and groom deliver their words straight from the heart. This calls for minimal interference from the marriage officer, who should merely introduce the exchange of the vows and then step back. The focus is on the bride and groom, and the words they have written specifically – and uniquely – for each other.

Help! I need input

For those couples who find they struggle to capture their words, there are online resources aplenty. These include traditional and non-traditional, religious and secular references. The marriage officer will also be able to provide ideas. Regardless of its complexity, chances are your verbal collage will reveal your individuality as a couple.

Conclusion

Beneath the flurry of choices regarding décor, colour schemes and wedding attire, self-composed wedding vows provide the most powerful opportunity for the bridal couple to express the uniqueness of their individual selves and of their new matrimonial identity.

 Click here to see a list of wedding ministers who will be able to help you to formulate your vows

In Your Own Words | Wedding Articles